Full Circle Moments: Blooming Into Who I Have Always Been

There are seasons where God doesn’t ask us to do more; He invites us to become more. This last season of seminary school was one of the deepest seasons of spiritual pruning I’ve experienced.

 It’s crazy to think that this May I finished my second spring semester in seminary school. Wow, time flies. This has been the most challenging, yet most rewarding time in school so far. Coming into seminary, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. But it has been an insightful journey, and after each season, I feel more stretched.

This semester, however, honestly hit differently. The workload was heavier, life got busier, and my Spiritual Formation group was life-changing for me. We spent so much time exploring our stories, who we are, and where we come from, including exercises to shine a light on sin in our lives and highlight the spiritual disciplines that we wish to implement instead. It was difficult work that needed to be done, and it led to some difficult conversations with God, others, and myself. But most of all, I began to experience God doing internal surgery, refining, reshaping, and redeeming parts of me that had been neglected and buried.

As I reflected on my stories, I started noticing patterns. Some good and some not so good. Instead of running from them, I sat in them. Just me and God. I let the convictions I felt change me. I did the hard things that turned out to be some of the best things. I journaled a lot. And I listened for God. And most of all, I gave God access to all of me, surrendering everything to him, being honest with my feelings (It’s not like he doesn’t know anyway!)

And then I noticed God bringing me back to where it all started.

After the pruning, the blooming began.

A place of wonder, hope, and inspiration. I realized that I was out of alignment. Things felt off because they were off. My calendar was full, but my soul was not flourishing. I was saying yes to good things, but they just weren’t my things to carry. Chasing things didn’t fit who God created me to be. Sometimes life comes at us so fast, and the world has its own agenda of what should be a part of who we are. Without realizing it, we begin to mold into roles and expectations that were never assigned by God. Somehow, we allow outside influences to dictate how we think, discern, and even decide our next steps. 

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

But God loves us too much to leave us in a place that is out of his good purposes. God began to bring me back to the places that I needed to be. He reminded me of the things that bring me joy, the way He wired me, and the passions He put inside of me. I began to explore all the places that I naturally shine and feel God using me the most with the gifts He has graciously given me. Sometimes we feel burnt out because we aren’t in the spaces God created us to be in. We try to manufacture a place for ourselves when God has already created the perfect space for us.

But along with the good, He also allowed me to see the areas that needed healing and growth. Lies from the devil had to be uprooted. There were things within me that couldn’t go where God was taking me. Anger, unforgiveness, and idols all had to be surrendered.

Through all of the deep work that God was doing, I began to feel lighter. Things began to flow more easily. Opportunities began to find me that I never looked for. The striving stopped, and I began to experience a deeper peace.

My identity was restored, and things became clearer. I traced God’s hand from years ago until now and got a better understanding of who God created me to be. There is a boldness that comes when you are confident in how God wired you. You begin to say yes to what aligns and no to what doesn’t. The voice of the Holy Spirit becomes louder when you start to drift because that anchor in Christ pulls you back into the position that He put you in.

So when I say becoming who I have always been, it just means that God had to prune, shape, and gently remove what was never meant to stay so that I could return to what was always there. I didn’t need to go figure out who I was; I just had to allow God the space to uncover what was already there. Scripture tells us that before we were born, He knew us.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalms 139:13-14

So, this is just a reminder, to pull back, and allow God to work in you. Sometimes it’s not about discovering someone new but surrendering everything that was never supposed to define you in the first place.

This doesn’t mean that everything gets easier; it just means that things begin to flow. I no longer feel like I’m striving; I feel as though God is gently guiding me.  

Blooming for me wasn’t about becoming someone else. It was the evidence that God has been working beneath the surface all along.