Enjoying The Single Life

It seems like every conversation involves the question “Are you dating anybody yet?” Whether gathering with old friends or meeting new people, the dating questions always come up. It’s like the hot topic floating around all the time. It’s a interesting conversation for me to have because the answer is “of course I want to get married and am open to dating but I’m also very intentional during my single season.” I still live my best life while being single!

So why are relationships always at the forefront of every conversation? It could be because we are anxious, or because we feel like that’s the next “step” in life. Growing up you are pushed to graduate high school, go to college/begin your career, meet your spouse, have children, and that’s when life begins. But the marriage is not what gives life meaning, in fact you have purpose before the spouse. In Genesis, when Adam was alone, God gave him both responsibility and instruction.

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. Genesis 2:15

This tells us that before there was a mate, Adam already had a God-given purpose. Most people go into relationships thinking the other person will be the missing piece. We start looking at that person for validation, security, peace, and completion. But God tells us that He is the only thing we need.

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;    you make my lot secure.The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;    surely I have a delightful inheritance.I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;    even at night my heart instructs me.I keep my eyes always on the Lord.    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;    my body also will rest secure,because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,    nor will you let your faithful one see decay.You make known to me the path of life;    you will fill me with joy in your presence,    with eternal pleasures at your right hand.Psalm 16: 5-11

This full psalm is a blessing, but if we dissect it, there is so much wisdom. When we think of something being our portion and our cup, that means the Lord is exactly what we need, and He holds the provision for our lives. It is in Christ alone that we find security and hope. It is in his presence that we find joy. When we go looking for someone else to provide the things only God can provide, we set ourselves up for failure. Jesus alone is the only one who can satisfy our souls.

Sometimes we don’t want to be single because we feel like we are missing something. It seems as though the grass is greener on the other side. Or maybe like singleness is some sort of punishment. But all of this is only the narrative that culture has made. Our worth is not defined by our relationship status because God tells us that we were created in advance to do good works. We know the grass is greener where we water it! God has something special for you in this season. Don’t miss His goodness trying to rush past the moment.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

 ** Disclaimer (I think it is very important for us to understand God’s purpose for marriage before we obtain it otherwise, we will misuse and abuse the gifts he gives us. I have a lot to say about marriage, but I will save that for a later date (nope I’ve never been married, but I was engaged, and God has shown me A LOT about his purpose for marriage). For now, let’s dive into the single life!) **

Singleness is a true gift. It is a time when we learn who we are and who God has called us to be. It is a time for reflection, a time for healing, a time for full devotion, and a time to grow in faith. God calls us to worship and glorify Him only. It is during our singleness that God wants to mold us into his faithful servant. We are constantly growing and evolving, but if we have built a firm foundation before the person, the journey after will be a little bit smoother.

There are several things God wants to teach us while we are single. The first thing God wants us to do is grow our personal relationship with him. He wants us to learn his character. He wants to begin and continue laying down the foundation of our lives. It is during this time that we learn God’s power, position, and purpose He has for us. In this season, God wants to mold us into our best version of self.

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?    By living according to your word.I seek you with all my heart;    do not let me stray from your commands.I have hidden your word in my heart    that I might not sin against you.Praise be to you, Lord;    teach me your decrees.With my lips I recount    all the laws that come from your mouth.I rejoice in following your statutes    as one rejoices in great riches.I meditate on your precepts    and consider your ways.I delight in your decrees;    I will not neglect your word.Psalm 119: 9-16

The second thing God wants to do in our singleness is teach us how to love. God is the true definition of “ride or die” and “through thick and thin”. (Thanks to his grace and mercy!) He teaches us what sacrificial love looks like. To be able to love means to be able to walk in humility and serve others.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Learning what it means to love is important not just in romantic relationships, but it is the epitome of what we are called to do with all people. We are meant to do all things in love, but on our own, we can’t. We need the help of the Holy Spirit. We are naturally selfish people, and struggle to put the needs of others before our own. In our single season, God wants us to learn how to show unconditional love to others. Because we are single, we have time focus on serving others. We serve others in our communities, families, friendships, and in our workplaces. Not only do we learn what it means to love others, but we spend time loving ourselves. This doesn’t mean we are prideful; simply means we love who God has created us to be and we are taking care of our spiritual, physical, and emotional needs. We continue to self-feed so that we are not pouring from an empty cup.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully madeWonderful are your works;    my soul knows it very well.My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,    the days that were formed for me,    when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139: 14-16

The third thing that we learn during our singleness is how to fully trust God. We know that we are His beloved children and he hears the desires of our heart. As a Father, he doesn’t hold any good gift from us. In his perfect timing, he will align the desires of our hearts with his will, which we know he will bring to past.

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4

God knows everything about us, even the things we try to cover up and hide. He knows the condition of our hearts at all times. Longing for anything more than we long for God causes that thing to become an idol. The gifts of God cannot become a substitute for Him. He wants to make sure he is always at the center and number one in our lives. The gift cannot be greater the Gift Giver!

So enjoy your single season and make the most of it! Take the trip, learn something new, serve others, start the business, purchase the home, pray for your future spouse, get a certification, study God’s word, and whatever else God places in your heart! Your singleness is specially made for you to spend time learning what purpose you have in God’s master plan and discerning all that He has for you! I have been blown away by all God has been showing me about myself and placing along my journey. Trust in God’s greater plan for your life and watch what he does!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

God wants us to live for today and not tomorrow! Allow God to work things in and through you in this season!

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